Babalaas Monday...

1.A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first classsection of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gentlywiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezedagain, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently oncemore. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was stillcurious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As beforeshe took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more thanbefore. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,"I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped yournose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?" "I am so sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm." The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have neverheard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything forit?" The woman nodded, "Pepper."

2.Three tortoises: Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic.Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble isthat the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days toget there.When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give methe bottle opener""I didn't bring it" says Roy. "I thought you packed it"Mick gets worried. He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottleopener?"Naturally Andy didn't bring it.So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mickand Andy beg Roy to go back for it, but he refuses as he says theywill eat all the sandwiches.After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise livesthat they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and hestill isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is apromise.Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwicheach, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind arock and shouts,"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT F*CKING GOING!"

3.A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a frightened couple."What are ur names? I like to know my victims' names before I kill them" he demanded.The woman said "My name is Elizabeth.""I won't kill you because my mother's name is Elizabeth" he answered.He turned to the terrified man and said, "Wena what's ur name?""I'm Peter but my friends call me Elizabeth" he replied.