Babalaas Monday...
1.On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
2.A old Woman, 70, decided that was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you! You have no legs!" The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is scheduled for Saturday...
3.A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on The counter and sees it's filled with $10 bills Man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it! He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well... you pay ten dollars... and IF you pass three tests you get all the money!!!" The man certainly isn't going to pass this up! "What are the three tests?" "Pay FIRST..." says the bartender... "Those are the rules." So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar... OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do... FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of pepper tequila the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while doing it... SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth...You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS... THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgazm during intercourse.. You've gotta MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her." The man is stunned... "I KNOW I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!! You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!" Your call," says the bartender, "but your MONEY stays where it is.." The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally...he asks, "WHERRRRE'S ZAAAT TEQUIIIILA?!" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp...Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face... Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up... The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside.. They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping... and then SILENCE. Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar .. with his shirt ripped... and large, bloody scratches all over his body... "NOW......." he says. WHERES THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!?!?!"
4.The truth has a funny way of coming out!A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requestedthat he shave his beard."Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really like to see yourhandsome face."James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it.Shewould kill me!""Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice."Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she wassleeping..The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael,youshouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"
5.
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
and wrote a note.
"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.
Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at
7AM."
Signed,
"The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag with the cash was the following note. "Here is your
money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
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