Babalaas Monday...

1.A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Jacob Zuma's ?" asked the man.
" Zuma's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

2.A housewife heard a knock at the door, and when she answered,
a man asked her if she had a vagina. The woman slammed the door in
disbelief at what the stranger had said.
The following day the same thing happened,
so she decided to tell her husband. The husband was outraged.
"Tomorrow I won't go to work," he said. "If the man returns
And asks if you have a vagina, say yes, and I will be hiding behind the
door.
"The next day the same man came again,
and when the woman opened the door, he asked if she had a vagina.
The woman replied, "Yes."
"Good," the man said. "Then please tell your husband to
Stop screwing my wife.

3.A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said. “I am a Father." The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many." The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way! The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.

"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."