Babalaas Monday...

1.Youngest son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "potentially and reality"?Dad: I will show you.Dad turns to his wife and asks her,
"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?Wife: Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?Daughter: Wow! Yes! This is my fantasy!Dad turns to his elder son and asks him,
"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?Elder son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million dollars!
I would not even hesitate!So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, 'potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'reality' we are living with two hookers and a moffie!"

2.A man escapes from prison, where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife : "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"